So, you say she's like sunshine huh?

She's a sunshine soul.

She loved the way people's eyes lit up when they talked about something they really loved.
The pause on someones face right before they took the risk.
The 'you've been gone so long' hug. Like the smell of being home after a while.
She adored the way you looked at her or held her hand far more than a kiss.
The moment, that look, that seems to last longer than time normally allows.
Those moments when you know how great it is while it's happening
and the only thing you can do it try to take it all in.
She loved those moments. Those moments of pure unparalleled perfection.
She loved the moments that often go unnoticed. She fell in love with them.
Like when she'd roll down the windows and take in the summer air.
And one night, when the evening air was hitting her face,
driving through the mountains with her hair flying,
the sun just about go down and the air getting brisk,
She couldn't stop the curve.
She smiled.
She smiled until her face hurt.
And laughed until her abs kinda hurt.
The smile the whole heart could feel.
She was in love with that moment. And she knew it.
But she also knew that time would tick and the moment would pass by
She almost missed it even before it left.
So she held onto it, even to this day.
Because that night taught her, in one fleeting moment, who she wanted to be.
She wanted to be the smell of the summer night that made everything feel alright.
She wanted to be the brisk air that was just cold enough to make you feel alive.
She wanted to be that look that she was getting from the drivers side
along with the song on the radio that made her want to sing along.
She wanted to be the conversation under the stars.
She wanted to be that curve on her face that she couldn't stop from happening.
And the laughter that echoed.
She wanted to be everything that moment was and share everything it with everyone she met.
She thought if if she could just share a hint of that moment with them that it might ease their pain that lingered and diminish the hopelessness she could see in their eyes.
She wanted to be that night and share that light.

Because in that moment she was happy. Like sunshine.

Whatever it is; it's happening.

Not all the time, will be the best time. There are times when we will have to periodically wait out the suck fest. 100% human. We're alive. Have no shame in living like it. I believe there is difference between seeking out, dwelling on awful happenings and being affected by something and saying "You know, this does suck. It hurts. But I'm going to let it happen to me." We've been conditioned to associate pain with weakness, sadness with coldness, loneliness with unworthiness, difference with disease, as if these feelings are contagious  as if ambivalence is something not to be felt but to be feared. It's okay to be human! It's okay to allow yourself to feel everything, openly, to be affected!  I don't like to see people pretending as if they are stone. Tell me, if you're made of stone what do you feel? You feel nothing. And one day, that stone will crumble. We are intricate and beautiful and we should never hide our human parts, because if we do, then what's left to show? Everyone is so scared to say what they feel. Sad, but they don't cry. Angry, but they don't scream. Happy, but they don't sing or dance. Love, but they don't tell. Ladies and gentleman, things happen. Happy Happens. Life happens. Death happens. Hope happens. Heartbreak happens.  It happened. There are things that you see, that after you look, no matter how hard are you try, you can't unsee. The words, images, stories, and memories they happened. Whether they're now your biggest blessing or your greatest curse; they happened. No one is around to stop them and no one ever said we wouldn't be changed by them. Elder Jeffrey R. Holland said, "Tears are alright. They are the price we pay for love, care, and compassion in the world."

Take it in, feel it.


You must know what I mean by this post. I do not mean you need to walk around an emotional basket
case ha. I also do not mean this gives you justification to dwell on the heartbreaks and unfair things. You should always seek to find the good. What I do mean is this: take the bad along with the good. Take in all in. Don't let it build up until you break down.  Spend your energy creating a person who can handle and feel what life gives rather than exhausting yourself trying to cover it up. Let it happen. When you want to laugh, laugh good and hard. When you want to hug, hold on tight. When you want to sing, belt it out. But when you want to cry, you can cry. When it hurts, let it hurt. Sometimes, it always will. But have the courage not to cover it up, but to feel it, to let it happen. Have the courage to let it happen and the faith to continue on with hope.

Be affected; but never destroyed.

Until next time,
It's happening.
Love always,
Alex

Beauty is lost just looking with eyes

If someone were to only find my outward appearance beautiful; my clothes, body, hair, or face- they would be insulting the bigger part of me. My heart, soul, and mind. There's more to a person than what they wear, listen to, or their witty remarks. You can be around someone and be having the greatest time. But do you ever stop to wonder if they are more than that moment? They have dreams, successes, passions, failures, and sorrow. They all have a passion that would astound you and they all have something that would break your heart. If you looked with your heart, maybe you'd see more. You'd see their dreams and you'd catch that spark that lights up their eyes when they talk about something they really love.You'd see their pain and you would want to put band aid on their biggest heart hurts. You'd see more.  The superficial would diminish and a greater beauty, appreciation, and respect would appear. You would see their story. You'll understand that's what makes them beautiful, that they are more than that moment. You'll wonder why you never saw it before. Then you'll know you now see it because you're looking at their heart through yours. Look with your heart, ears, and mind; because real beauty is lost when you look only with your eyes.

We all start as strangers. But just like everyone else, every stranger has a story. Scrape away the superficial and seek their stories. There is so much to learn from everyone who enters, leaves, and even just passes through our very own stories. There's nothing wrong with being truly affected by others. In fact, it's beautiful.

Until next time,
Where are you lookin?
Love always,
alex

Motto of the month:

 Seek more than superficial; seek stories. 

Quote for your enjoyment: 

"An adventurous life doesn't necessarily mean climbing mountains, swimming with sharks, or jumping off cliffs. It means risking yourself by leaving a little piece of you behind in all those you meet along the way."

Let's be in love (Valentines post 2013)

Let's be in love. Let's just go sing our lungs out while driving and not even care if we get the lyrics wrong. Let's bake cookies and get in a flour fight. Come scare the hiccups out of me. Push me in the water and drag me onto the roller coaster. Make me brave, make me alive. Let's know each others flaws, weirdness, quirks, and be able to look at each other and say 'You're fudgin weird, you know that right?' But not mind a bit because we fell into mutual weirdness and we call it love. Let's make a fort in our front room to watch disney movies and make out in. Let's go for summer night walks and adventures. Let's know that the story of us is a grand adventure of it's own, full of ups and downs. Let's hold each other through the dark times and know that we can make it through because we believe our hands were meant for holding, and pulling each other through. Let's make each other feel safe. Let's us be each others 'home' and run to each other when things feel scary. Let's pray and dream together. Let's look at each other with endearment that not even the worlds greatest camera could capture. Let's be in love.

Maybe one day, we'll be in love. Maybe we'll find each other, maybe we already have or maybe we have years before we meet. One thing is certain, we both have other things we need to find and become before we find each other and can be together. But until we're in love, let's love ourselves and let's love life.

But until next time,
I'll be seeing you.
Happy Valentines Day
Love always,
alex

Previous Valentines Day Posts:
Happy Valentines Day 2011 
One word that makes us all go crazy

'In case you ever foolishly forget; I am never not thinking about you.'

I've learned something from missing multiple people. It's this: I've never missed two people the same, it's always a different way. I miss you, this way, right now. Life is never all bad, but it was a whole lot better when you were around. It's a heartbreaking compliment. Honestly, 'nothing's been as it has been, and I miss you're face like hell.'

Until next time,
Rivers till I meet you.
love always,
alex 

Rare for a reason

rare  

/re(ə)r/

Adjective Not occurring very often.

Synonyms

uncommon - unusual - scarce - infrequent - sparse

rar·i·ty  

/ˈre(ə)ritē/

Noun The state or quality of being rare.  A thing that is rare, esp. one having particular value.

What happens when something is rare? What happens when something only comes along every once in a while, when it's not given out freely and not everyone, only the few, can obtain it?  It's value increases. It's rare for a reason. 

Rare, which the definition includes, also means to be uncommon, unusual, and scarce. Which some consider to be negative words, or something scary of the sorts. In response they cover up, blend in and become common.  Their actions become that of the world, they lose their authenticity and their rareness. Some would rather have everyone love them than to earn real respect from those who matter most. Love like that can be fleeting  but respect can grow into lasting, genuine love. Rarity, ladies and gents, can be so authentic, genuine, real and the motives never have to be questioned. 

Our journey is our own, no one else's will be exactly like ours. There are no set rules or guidelines stating that you should have 3 real crushes, 2 big likes, and 1 real love through your entire life. No guidelines outlining the X amount of people you should open up to. There isn't a set book that tells you exactly what you should do in life, when you are suppose to do it, and who you are suppose to do it with. I'm not telling anyone to follow an outline, in fact I highly suggest you don't. (I also suggest you don't compare your journey to someone else's in a destructive way.) What I am really saying, what this whole post is really saying is don't throw everything about yourself around. Don't give out empty compliments. Don't be among the dime a dozen who gives out empty compliments and  kisses where nothing is felt. If you want it to mean something, save it for rare, the few, and the worthy. It means more. 

And I say all this why? Because it's sad to me to see so many compromises themselves. Stay weird, rad and rare.

Until next time, 
It's like I always say--So many things are mediocre, do yourself a favor by refusing to be one of them. 
love always, 
Alex   

Quotes for your enjoyment: 

“If you’re the girl that needs a boyfriend, and once she loses that boyfriend needs to replace it with a different boyfriend, it’s just this constant stream of boyfriends all the time. I don’t feel like I ever want to be that girl. I want to be the girl that when she falls in love, it’s a big deal and it’s a rare thing.” -Taylor Swift (Side note: hahah I laughed too because it's T-swizzle saying this. BUT nevertheless, I still agree. side side note: and I still love Taylor)

Sorry if I don't know what to say, magic took my breath away

"There are moments of such pure, sublime, unparalleled perfection that they will force you to close your eyes and hold on to them as best you can.

 Life is a series of these moments.

 Everything else is just waiting for them." 

-Iain Thomas 

When it comes to the greatest and worst feelings and experiences they'll tell you, "that you don't know, until you know." And then I will tell you, "when you know, words don't do justice."

When I experience the worst, I don't want to hear others tell me, "I know how you feel." Because either 1. They dont 2. I dont want them or anyone to feel that. When the greatest things happen to me, I almost don't want to talk about it. Not because it isn't great, but because it's THAT GREAT. I could try and explain, but unless you've been there yourself you don't know. Even then, I don't know if you could catch the exact magic that I felt at that moment the way I that I did. 

Some moments are just to be experienced. You just have to take it all in and feel it while it's there. The good and the bad. Moments when you sink into another person and bawl not knowing how you'll get to the next moment. Moments when you just stand there and watch them walk away. Moments when you are laughing till your abs hurt with someone who gets your weird soul. Those beautiful, rare, unspeakable moments when you are starring into someone else and they are starring right back with that magic. In those moments you are just there. Taking it all in. It's magic if I ever knew it. That's the only way to even try to explain it. I fall in love with those unparalleled perfect moments.

And. And that's my life right now guys. This chapter in the Story of girl Named Alex can't really be written or elaborated on it too much. Not now. Words wouldn't do it justice. I don't want to ruin it with words. Which is odd for someone who is infatuated with the way words can come together. However, it is a great opportunity for a dancer such as myself. Because when words fail, dance speaks. My movement will be the biography of these moments. These magical moments.

Until next time, 

It's magic if I ever felt it.

Love always, 

alex